No one knows what to say. No one knows what to do. When someone you know becomes a widow, it’s gut-wrenching. It makes you take a look at your life and evaluate your choices. You want to do something, but nothing can bring her husband back, and no gesture seems adequate. That said, every gesture is appreciated. This is the time of her life where she needs her friends and family to help her feel loved, supported, and not alone. If you have a new widow in your life, here are some suggestions to help you show her you’re there for her.
Massage or Spa Gift Certificate
She has just gone through the worst experience of her life. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do next. She doesn’t know how to make her and her kids’ life work without her husband. She is most likely living in the most stressed state of her life, indefinitely. She needs a massage, a facial, half an hour in a sauna and a body scrub and a flower bath. Give her the gift of self care at the time she needs it most, but won’t take the time to do it. Make the appointment for her if she’s too overwhelmed to make the phone call. Just make sure her time at the spa comes with a side of free child care. She will be so grateful, even if it seems overwhelming at first.
Can’t afford the gift of a spa treatment but still want to help her feel pampered? I also received this exact gift from my husband’s brother and sister-in-law, and I loved it.
Something Cozy
When I became a widow, a group of friends and fellow writers sent me the kindest gift basket of cozy, thoughtful gifts. There was a pink, fuzzy blanket; a bag of my favorite coffee and a new mug; calming tea; a beautiful notebook a pen; a memorial lantern that now sits in my daughter’s room; and more. My husband’s niece sent a box that included fuzzy socks, a candle, a bath bomb, two small notebooks (I’m a writer, after all) and a little crochet animal that my daughter loves to play with. I loved all of these things. None of it, even collectively, replaces my husband’s embrace, but it does help me feel warm on cold nights and feel less alone when I’m lonely. Here is a similar care package:
Something Wearable and Memorable
A few months after my husband’s unexpected death, his niece unexpectedly sent me a necklace with my husband’s, daughter’s, and my birthstones in it. I love it. I wear it with love and pride, and I tell people about it all the time. It’s beautiful, and it was one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. People compliment me on it all the time, and I love the opportunity to tell them it memorializes my husband and our family. Here are some ideas of different versions:
Restaurant or Grocery Gift Cards
This is practical as well as kind. When my husband died, my church set up a Meal Train for my daughter and me, where people could sign up to bring us a meal. A benefit I didn’t know it also held? The ability to send a gift card to a restaurant, Uber Eats, Grub Hub, etc. All of this was welcome. I don’t know how I would have done all the tasks associated with an unexpected death, taken care of my six-month-old daughter, taken care of myself, and also cooked without all of that help. People could also make monetary donations through the Meal Train, which was much more helpful than I could have imagined while all of our bank accounts were on hold.
If you don’t know what to give to your newly widowed friend of family member, make sure they have access to food that they don’t have to make themselves. Want to do more than one meal? A meal subscription service or package of multiple frozen meals are great options that keep on giving.
Take the Kids Out for the Day
She has a lot to do. Whether or not there was a will, whether or not the death was expected, your newly widowed loved one has so much more on her plate than she ever expected, and she can’t list it off to you or anyone else. She can’t even make a list. She’s in such a fog of grief, she can’t focus on anything. She needs time without anyone needing her to be “on.” Take the kids out for the day, an hour, or an afternoon. Maybe she needs to make phone calls, maybe she needs to fill out forms, maybe she needs to lay in bed and cry to release her grief and stress without letting the kids hear. Please give her the gift of time without being responsible for anyone else.
Everyday Essentials
Shopping for laundry detergent and toilet paper was not on my radar after my husband unexpectedly died. A friend came over with household supplies one afternoon, and I was utterly grateful. She brought laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, dish detergent, hand soap, and more. They were all things I needed, all things I didn’t want to shop for (even if I had realized I needed them), and all things that don’t go bad. When you’re barely treading water, having someone bring you those everyday essentials takes a huge chunk off your proverbial plate.
Want more? Take a look at my Gift Guide Page and my Widow Travel Page.
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